Hey, Bungalow Bill

Everything Changes

by

Matthew T. Lipson

2.3 : Hey, Bungalow Bill

"We're breaking up," she said in her wonderful South African tinged voice.  Coming into the conversation, I just wanted to express some issues I saw from the previous weekend.  This is where the conversation went.  There were many things about this woman that was right.  She was an artist, calm, a progressive thinker, Jewish.  Being from South Africa was just an added unique attribute.  Yet, I always felt there was something missing.  Every time I wanted to tell her I loved her, I suppressed the urge.  When she said this, I took this as evidence of that missing piece, feeling.  Yet, there was the part of me I was ignoring.  There were many excuses I came up with for not telling her I loved her.  There was only one reason with any truth to it.  I didn't trust the feeling of intimate love or what it would do to me.  I blamed it for everything in my past.  So, I locked it away.  I was the something missing.